November? Really?

I can hardly believe that November is upon us.  It’s time to start thinking about Thanksgiving. . .and Christmas.  Wow, this year has truly flown by.  With all the transitions at work, starting school, remodeling my kitchen, and spending an inordinate amount of time at doctors’ offices; it seems like maybe I blinked and missed much of 2009.

Let’s see . . . what has been going on lately . . .

It turns out that I have asthma.  All those tests and it turns out to be asthma.  It seems like that would have been easier to find than it was. . .  Anyway, I feel good about finally knowing what is wrong.  I see an allergist tomorrow for testing and to see where we go from here.  I hope I can manage to get the gym back in my routine.  I miss it.

My new church is fabulous.  The messages really get me thinking (& acting).  I have met a lot of great people.  I am loving it.  We found out yesterday that my campus is moving.  I have mixed feelings about it, but am sure it’s the right thing for the church as a whole.  We need to “go to grow”.

I am enjoying my break from school.  My next class starts in March.  It is amazing how life-consuming school can be.  I had forgotten.

I spent this past weekend with some good friends.  I “baby sat” their kids on Friday night so they could go out for a birthday celebration and some alone time.  They came back home Saturday afternoon and we hung out and did the whole trick-or-treat thing.  It was much fun.  Being in a house full of kids & family is a nice contrast to the quiet of my place.  Max wasn’t as sure that it was fun.  He was a little stressed.  He collapsed as soon as we got home yesterday afternoon and took a long nap, then went to bed early last night.  He didn’t wake up until after me this morning, which is a contrast to the normal 6:00AM barking to go out.

No News is Good News?

Well, since I have managed to climb out from under the pile of school books and work chaos that I was under, I suppose a health update is in order.  I have had a battery of tests. . .and it seems there is nothing wrong with my heart after all.  I am still waiting on results from a lung function test. 

Thanks for all the prayers & well wishes.

Forgiveness

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:32

 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ~ Matthew 6:14-15

 My bible study group is focusing on forgiveness this week.  I have been reflecting and trying to figure out who I still need to forgive.  I guess I am a little unsure how to know when I have actually forgiven someone.  It seems like more of a process than a milestone.  There may be moments of hurt or disbelief in actions or persons that I have forgiven some time ago.  So, who can safely be checked of the list?  I think this one might be a life long lesson.

 Two weeks ago in church the message was a very powerful one.  During the message I realized that I needed to forgive a dear friend for something that has had a major impact on my life, but wasn’t really an offense or intentionally hurtful.  It was so freeing to even realize that I had that to let go of. . .and letting go felt great!

 In my reflection I have discovered that the people I still clearly need to forgive are not the “big offenders”; but rather the people who have done little things (or not done little things).  I guess I have worked hard on the big stuff, but let the little stuff slide.  This week, I will work to forgive these minor offenses and release these people (and myself!) from the resentment that I sometimes feel.

 Who do you need to forgive?

A Broken Heart ??

After much fatigue and many trips to the doctor, yesterday I found out that I have a heart murmur.  Coupled with my fatigue, dizziness and insomnia; it seems like it might be pretty serious.  I have an echocardiogram scheduled for Monday.  I am not sure if it’s the exhaustion or the diagnosis. . .but I want to crawl under the covers and avoid life for a while.  I am scared and . . . well, I guess scared pretty well covers it.

I’m sad and right now I really miss my daddy.  This is one of those things that I would have wanted to protect him from knowing. . .but wouldn’t have been able to control myself and would have told him.  He would have some really comforting (and funny!) words for me.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I have a stunning supporting cast and they have all been ubber supportive . . . but sometimes it would be nice to be my daddy’s helpless 5 year old and let him make it better.

I know that God is my daddy too and that he is watching after me.  I know that this is all part of His plan and that there is some point to what happens on this earth every day.  I just struggle with . . . well, being human.

Okay, I’ll try to stop having my pity party now.

Your prayers are appreciated,

Jules

Other People’s Words (aka Top Ten Quotes)

Life has been a bit crazy lately.  Between school, work & life. . .I haven’t found the downtime to blog.  So, I thought I’d share some of my favorite wise words from others.

Irish Fest

“Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling, enduring, and accomplishing.” unknown

“Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.” Norm Papernick

“In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: they must be fit for it; they must not do too much of it; and they must have a sense of success in it.” John Ruskin

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” unknown

“Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror” Byrd Baggett

“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.” Dave Barry

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” Drew Carey

“A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.” Helen Rowland

“It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.” ~Dorothy Canfield Fisher

And as a bonus, ripped straight from my friend Will’s Facebook : “I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern Fact, the Sad Self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blessed week ladies & gentlemen,

Jules

A Deep Cleansing Agent for the Soul

Wow, the week flew by!  I am not complaining, but I can hardly believe tomorrow is Friday.  I spent most of the week wishing I was sleeping; either at night with insomnia or by day with exhaustion.  It’s been rough.  Luckily, I have Jesus and some good friends to get me through such times!

I started grad school Tuesday.  After doubting my choice and over-processing (thanks so some great processors I know!), I went to class and immediately knew I was doing the right thing.  The (project management) class is interesting and entertaining.  It is going to be fun and enlightening. . .and a lot of work. . .I am sure.

I’ve learned some interesting lessons this week, in some unlikely places.  One of which is a reminder of the beauty of music and the way it quenches something in our souls.  I always listen to the ‘workout’ playlist at the gym, enjoy worship time at church, and groove to whatever is on K-Love in the car.  But somehow, I hadn’t really listened lately. . .just to listen.  Music is a place to rest.  It’s a cleansing agent.  It’s a gift from God.  How did I forget to listen?

In no particular order (except for #1), here are my top 10 artists of all time.  Some of them are brand new to me.  Some of them I haven’t listened to in ages.  They have all spoke to me and . . . made a mark.

10. The Rainmakers

9. The Eagles

8. Randy Travis

7. Joe Walsh

6. The Pet Shop Boys

5. Brandon Heath

4. Francesca Battistelli

3. Depeche Mode

2. Whitesnake

1. Billy Joel

Keep Listening, Loving & Laughing!

Blessed weekend to all,

Jules

Happy Anniversary??

Today marks the three-year anniversary of when I left my home in South Africa.  (I actually left the country on the 20^th, but let’s not complicate matters here).  That day I was pretty sure I would cry my eyes out and cause the Indian Ocean to flood.  Life would never be the same.  I would leave my home (never to return?).  I would leave my family, my community, indeed, the only home I had ever known.  It felt like I would (should) die.

While circumstances demanded that I leave South Africa, there was no part of my being that had any desire to leave.  I would have been perfectly content to stay there, in my personal paradise, and live out my days.  Life was hard there, but it was real and I loved it.  I loved my beach, my family, my life. 

I remember trying to explain my departure to a certain adorable five-year old.  She said, “well, Miss Jules, just tell the man or woman at the airport that you are not ready to leave.”  Ah, if it were only that simple . . . 

Where would I go?  What would I do?

I still remember talking to a friend at the time who said, “you have to go home”.  “But where is home?” I replied.  I literally had no idea where I would end up.  There was no place in the US that felt like home.  There was no home to go to.  At that point in my life, Wilderness was home. . .maybe more of a home than anyplace had ever been.  I ended up going to visit my Big Sister, Janice, in Estes Park, Colorado.  I knew that I wouldn’t stay there, but it seemed like a nice safe place to land.

After about a week of crying in Janice’s cabin with her cat, I was ready to move on.  But where to?  In keeping with my adventurous (directionless ??) nature, I stood there; practically on the Continental Divide and flipped a coin.  Heads – I head west.  Tails – I turn tails and go east.  Well, it landed tails.  The rest, as they say, is history.  I intended to go to DC and carry on trying to save the world in some non-profit.

God had other plans for me.  

A new job.

I made it as far as Kansas City and took a temp job to make a little money to fund my next adventure.  Well, three years later, I still have that ‘temp job’ today.  It is a job I never would have applied for, but it turned out to suit me well.  It turned out to be the place where I met Jesus; and where I finally stood still long enough to get to know myself; where I grew up (at least a little).  My job has changed in incalculable ways in the last 12 months, and I can’t say what the future holds.  I can say I will never regret that this pit-stop turned into my home.  

A new home.

As I reflect on the last three years, I see that I have grown up . . . that I have been just where God wanted me to be . . . that maybe I wasn’t so happy in South Africa after all . . . that, as pastor said in church on Sunday, “God broke my heart . . . OPEN”.  They say that the hardest things in life turn out to be the best for us.  Well, I would say getting spun off a continent and ripped from my home was right up there in my Top-5 heartbreaks of life . . . and I would also say that it turned out pretty well.  I can still get nostalgic and homesick on occasion, still miss my beach . . . still wonder what might have been, still long for what once was; but I love my life today.  What is . . . is as it should be.  I could not have gotten here without having been there.  People sometimes ask me if I will/would ever go back.  Time has a way of teaching us all sorts of lessons, so I hesistate to say no.  But, I do know that I would never go back to the life I lived back then.  I have given up (lost) a lot of great things about that life, but they pale in comparison to my relationship with Jesus and my new-found life in Middle America.  Who would have thunk it!?

A new dog.

The lesson?

I often find myself struggling to trust God and his timing.  I am a living example of how He knows all and we know nothing . . . so why do I still struggle?  Because I am human, I suppose.

Top 10 : The Good Stuff about Life in the USA

Since I will have my 3-year ‘out of Africa’ anniversary next week, I thought I would use this week’s top 10 to focus on the good stuff here in the good old US of A.   

10. While you may not realize it if you’ve never lived in a developing country, our governmental and social service offices really are very efficient!

9. Phone service is cheap.

8. Theater popcorn.

7. Christmas is in the winter. (It just never felt right in high summer, though it was fun!!)

6. There is plenty of water.

5. Baseball.

The Friendly Confines

4. Plenty of churches & religious freedom to go with them!

3. Troops protecting us.

2. Mexican food.

1. Good old-fashioned vanilla bean ice cream, with hot fudge of course.

Student Days Return

This weekend I started studing for my upcoming courses.  Class officially starts on the 23rd, but there is much work to be done prior to the first meeting.  Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve done the student thing.  Here we go again.  Based on what I did this weekend, I would say that there will be many late nights and study-filled weekends in the next 20 months.  Wow.  I’ll take a deep breath and say a prayer now.

I did manage to do a few non-study things this weekend.  A friend and I went no-tax school supply shopping yesterday (maybe that counts as school-related).  I had a migraine last night and missed the new church service which I had planned to attend.  This morning I was feeling much better and did some housework before church.  After having missed church last week, it was nice to get to see my peeps and feel connected . . . even if the message wasn’t the most connected.  After church I made a yummy lunch-for-one and watched the Cubs in what can only be called a pathetic display.  17 hits and 4 runs.  Really. 

Beet Green & Spinach Salad, Sugared Pot Roast, Beets, & Corn Muffins.

The Benevolence of Cookies

I guess I have a long and emotional history with cookies.  One of my favorite childhood memories is that of making (& eating!) chocolate chip cookies with my great Auntie Clarice.  All these years later I still think of her when I bake those cookies. . .I even still use her spoons.

Last year I was having some ‘issues’ with my bible study group.  After considering quiting and much prayer, I decided to bake cookies for the group.  The next week I walked in there with two batches of cookies and an entirely different attitutude.  Bible study was fresh and different that night.  I find it impossible to be cross with someone while they are eating my homemade cookies.  I have since taken cookies to work on days when I really didn’t want to go.  It’s just easier to smile when sharing cookies and smiles.  (disclaimer : I make cookies for people that I love with all my heart too, so if I show up at your house with cookies it does not mean that I am cross with you!)

 

Today, I made cookies with my Little Sister.  She had never made anything from scratch before.  I had done so much cooking and baking by the time I was her age (12) that I can’t quite imagine.  Now I am looking forward to Christmastime and teaching her to make candy and pies!  We had good fun and made good cookies.  It was a bonding time and a great activity for us.  It’s just one more way that cookies are good. . .  and you just thought they were yummy.