Ten Life Lessons to Unlearn

I blame my friend & fellow blogger, Leila!  Her posts often make me think, but today’s made my gears turn and fingers type immediately.   So, here goes.  Here are ten things things that I (we all?) need to unlearn in this life to make it a little more enjoyable and, dare I say, just as complete & worthy.

1. I am what I do.  Okay, those who know me know that I have been working on this one for a while, but it’s still at the top of my list.  Work is just that.  Work.  Toil.  A means to an end.  I will not let it identify me or take over my life!
2. More is better.  It’s not.  It’s only more.  The bigger house, shinier car, etc.  It’s all only more.  I have enough.  In fact, I have more than most people on this rock we call earth.  I need to recognize that fact any spend more time enjoying the blessings I have been given.
3. My past defines me.  Okay, I know better than that one already!  Still, it’s important to remind oneself on occasion – the things that have happened in life are just that. . .things, events, PAST.  Nothing defines us but our faith in God and our actions today.  Furthermore, I truly believe that I could not have become the person I am today without those 13,367 days that preceded this one.  And, frankly, I am pretty fond of today’s version of me.
4. Success is a shared goal.  We all have different goals in life.  My idea of success is not the same as yours, and we both know that.  So, why do we continue to measure ourselves against one another?  My office mate who lost more weight, or my classmate who out-performed me on a test. . . they are not better, they just have different abilities and priorities.
5. Loss is bad.  While it rarely feels like it in the moment, loss can be a great thing!  It is often God’s way of making space for something even better.  But, even when loss is just loss it still helps mold our character and level of understanding for our fellow man.  And that is a good thing.
6. Have reasonable expectations. Bullox.  That’s just another way of saying lower your expectations.  Guess what?  I have high expectations and I will not apologize for them.  So whether you are a colleague missing a deadline or a friend forgetting our plans, I am disappointed.  Don’t worry though, I have a well-honed capacity for forgiveness.
7. People’s opinions count.  No.  They don’t.  Unless you are Jesus Christ Himself, my boss or my (as yet unappointed) spouse then your opinion is nothing more than the way YOU look at the world.  It has no bearing on me unless I let it.  While I do like to ‘process’ things with several people, at the end of the day my decisions are mine.  So, if you don’t like the color I painted my toenails, the house I live in or the courses I am studying. . .tough luck.
8. Shh, nice girls are quiet.  I have plenty to say. . .and I will say it.  No point feeling bad about being me.  Me happens to be an opinionated & vocal person.
9. Better safe than sorry. Okay, sometimes this one is true.  But, mostly not.  Sure the world is a dangerous place (no one gets out alive), however, I am going to live while I am here.   I do not believe that God put us on this earth to create safe little cocoons to protect ourselves from His very creation.  There is not much point to living if you aren’t LIVING.  So, load your gun, buckle your seat belt, pay your taxes, put batteries in the smoke alarm. . .and have some fun!!
10. “I have to be Perfect – No, I do not.  Perfection is a vastly overrated attribute that can not be achieved.  I hate to be held hostage to the Perfect paradigm by people who are not perfect themselves.” I stole this one from Leila. Only to add: Jesus is the only perfect one to ever walk this earth.  You can’t hold yourself up to that standard, so don’t try to hold me up to it either. . . .and I will try to remember not to hold myself to it.

Up North

Last weekend I went to visit my friend, Will, in northern Minnesota.  People kept asking me why I was going, as if just getting away for a weekend and spending some time with a friend is not reason enough.  Anyway, being the woman I am. . .who pretty much does what she wants . . . I went.  Of course,  I wanted to see my friend.  I wanted to check out Lake Superior and its’ surrounding allurement.  I wanted to spend a weekend away before the next round of classes started.  I wanted to check-out.

Mission accomplished.

I spent the day Friday traversing Iowa & Minnesota, arriving at my destination just in time for a walk to the docks before dinner.   We went to a local eatery called Betty’s Pies.  I had something called a pasties.  I just had to order it to figure out what is was.

Saturday we took the area by storm, visiting all the well known sites and them some.  It was a great day with much beauty and even more walking.

Sunday morning I was to head back to the city.  HA!  God had other plans.  My car was broke down and there was nary a mechanic in sight.  So, my arm was twisted and I had to spend another day and a half in one version of paradise.  It was a low-key day and a nice addition to the weekend.

Monday was spent dealing with tow trucks and mechanics. . .and here’s the curious part : we still don’t know what is/was wrong with my car.  In any case, it is running now and I made it back to “reality” on Tuesday.  Class started Thursday and I am now quite ready for another weekend. . .even if this one won’t by 5 days & 500 miles away.

80/20 Friends

As I spent 10 hours driving yesterday, I listened to one of my assigned textbooks on CD.  The 80/20 Rule by Richard Koch is largely about understanding where you are most productive and spending more time there. While I gleaned many bits of potentially life-changing information from it, it was mostly just one more book that I had to read for class. It was only when the author got to the section on friendships that I considered it something deep.  I sat up in my bucket seat and listened while hurling myself northward at 80 miles per hour.

Mr. Koch suggests that we need to have fewer friends, and therefore more time to invest with the ones who really mater. Deeper and less wide streams, if you will.  He posed the questions “who are the (not family) people that if they died tomorrow, you would be devastated?’.  I immediately thought of 5 or 6 people. As he kept talking my list grew to about a dozen.  His suggestion is to foster those relationships to a deeper level, and cut out the relationships with people you don’t enjoy.  I do believe that I concentrate my energies on those special few . . . and feel blessed to have those special few.  However, I feel convicted for not finding the time for the list dwellers who are harder to spend time with.  Sure, being in another city poses it’s challenges, but I can pick up a phone or jump on a plane whenever I want.  I am going to work harder at seeing those people who are most special in my life.

What about those who aren’t on the list?  Well, they didn’t make the cut and therefore will not be given priority access to my life.  Maybe that makes me sound like a b*tch, but there is only so much of me to go around. . .and if I spread myself too thin, not only will I suffer. . .but so will my friends.

So, if your on the list . . . plan on seeing more of me.

Blessings,

Jules