Forgiveness

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:32

 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ~ Matthew 6:14-15

 My bible study group is focusing on forgiveness this week.  I have been reflecting and trying to figure out who I still need to forgive.  I guess I am a little unsure how to know when I have actually forgiven someone.  It seems like more of a process than a milestone.  There may be moments of hurt or disbelief in actions or persons that I have forgiven some time ago.  So, who can safely be checked of the list?  I think this one might be a life long lesson.

 Two weeks ago in church the message was a very powerful one.  During the message I realized that I needed to forgive a dear friend for something that has had a major impact on my life, but wasn’t really an offense or intentionally hurtful.  It was so freeing to even realize that I had that to let go of. . .and letting go felt great!

 In my reflection I have discovered that the people I still clearly need to forgive are not the “big offenders”; but rather the people who have done little things (or not done little things).  I guess I have worked hard on the big stuff, but let the little stuff slide.  This week, I will work to forgive these minor offenses and release these people (and myself!) from the resentment that I sometimes feel.

 Who do you need to forgive?

Happy Anniversary??

Today marks the three-year anniversary of when I left my home in South Africa.  (I actually left the country on the 20^th, but let’s not complicate matters here).  That day I was pretty sure I would cry my eyes out and cause the Indian Ocean to flood.  Life would never be the same.  I would leave my home (never to return?).  I would leave my family, my community, indeed, the only home I had ever known.  It felt like I would (should) die.

While circumstances demanded that I leave South Africa, there was no part of my being that had any desire to leave.  I would have been perfectly content to stay there, in my personal paradise, and live out my days.  Life was hard there, but it was real and I loved it.  I loved my beach, my family, my life. 

I remember trying to explain my departure to a certain adorable five-year old.  She said, “well, Miss Jules, just tell the man or woman at the airport that you are not ready to leave.”  Ah, if it were only that simple . . . 

Where would I go?  What would I do?

I still remember talking to a friend at the time who said, “you have to go home”.  “But where is home?” I replied.  I literally had no idea where I would end up.  There was no place in the US that felt like home.  There was no home to go to.  At that point in my life, Wilderness was home. . .maybe more of a home than anyplace had ever been.  I ended up going to visit my Big Sister, Janice, in Estes Park, Colorado.  I knew that I wouldn’t stay there, but it seemed like a nice safe place to land.

After about a week of crying in Janice’s cabin with her cat, I was ready to move on.  But where to?  In keeping with my adventurous (directionless ??) nature, I stood there; practically on the Continental Divide and flipped a coin.  Heads – I head west.  Tails – I turn tails and go east.  Well, it landed tails.  The rest, as they say, is history.  I intended to go to DC and carry on trying to save the world in some non-profit.

God had other plans for me.  

A new job.

I made it as far as Kansas City and took a temp job to make a little money to fund my next adventure.  Well, three years later, I still have that ‘temp job’ today.  It is a job I never would have applied for, but it turned out to suit me well.  It turned out to be the place where I met Jesus; and where I finally stood still long enough to get to know myself; where I grew up (at least a little).  My job has changed in incalculable ways in the last 12 months, and I can’t say what the future holds.  I can say I will never regret that this pit-stop turned into my home.  

A new home.

As I reflect on the last three years, I see that I have grown up . . . that I have been just where God wanted me to be . . . that maybe I wasn’t so happy in South Africa after all . . . that, as pastor said in church on Sunday, “God broke my heart . . . OPEN”.  They say that the hardest things in life turn out to be the best for us.  Well, I would say getting spun off a continent and ripped from my home was right up there in my Top-5 heartbreaks of life . . . and I would also say that it turned out pretty well.  I can still get nostalgic and homesick on occasion, still miss my beach . . . still wonder what might have been, still long for what once was; but I love my life today.  What is . . . is as it should be.  I could not have gotten here without having been there.  People sometimes ask me if I will/would ever go back.  Time has a way of teaching us all sorts of lessons, so I hesistate to say no.  But, I do know that I would never go back to the life I lived back then.  I have given up (lost) a lot of great things about that life, but they pale in comparison to my relationship with Jesus and my new-found life in Middle America.  Who would have thunk it!?

A new dog.

The lesson?

I often find myself struggling to trust God and his timing.  I am a living example of how He knows all and we know nothing . . . so why do I still struggle?  Because I am human, I suppose.

Are we in that big of a hurry??

Twice in the past week I have had a funeral procession come down the street I was on.  I always pull over and wait.  It’s a sign of respect.  These people are headed to the cemetery to bury their loved one, is my errand more important than that?  It seems about half the other drivers pull over, about a quarter carry on obliviously, and about a quarter get irate and aggressively pass those who have pulled over – sometimes even blaring their horns.

I try to find the good in people, so I find myself wondering . . . maybe they don’t realize that those cars with their headlights on following that hearse with a police escort are in a funeral procession . . . maybe their mama didn’t raise them right (though I personally don’t find that a valid excuse after the age of 20) . . . maybe they really are in that big of a hurry . . . maybe it’s a matter of life-and-death and they don’t mean to be disrespectful.

If we are in such a hurry that pulling over for 90 seconds will throw us off for the rest of the day, then our problems are bigger than that of disrespect.  In fact, I would argue that in this case our lives aren’t ours at all but we are on the proverbial treadmill of life running after the ever-out-of-reach cheese.

Slow down.  Pull over.  Next time a funeral procession passes by, maybe you can use the 90 seconds of ‘down time’ in prayer.  Jesus always has the time to listen.

Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker,
but he who is generous to the needy honors him. Proverbs 14:31 ESV

Rooibos Tea instead of Communion

Well, it’s Sunday morning and I am sadly not en route to church.  I have spent the weekend couped up and feeling icky.   Hopefully my favorite South African concoction will help.  I am at this moment steeping rooibos tea with lemon and ginger.  I’ll add a little  honey and sip away shortly.

I hate to miss church this morning, but believe my fellow worshipers will appreciate that I am not there coughing on them during worship time.  I will watch a Mars Hill sermon as I sip my tea . . . studying God’s word alone this morning and praying for a quick recovery.

May you all have a blessed and beautiful day.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)

Tiny Blessings

My good friends (in fact they’re actually pretty much family – even though I haven’t known them all that long) had their baby on Tuesday night.  I got to meet her and hold her and cuddle with her last night.  What a precious and perfect little blessing!  It was so amazing to see this brand new life and her brand new parents in their first evening together.  Those of you who know me may be surprised, but I am left speechless.

I pray for the day when she first knows Jesus.  I look forward to watching her and her young family grow.

John 16:21 (ESV) When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.